What Is Our Ego, Really?

To start with, I am seriously noticing lately how much my ego is telling me to rush through whatever it is I’m doing at the time. I can be doing laundry, and it’s nagging me, “Hurry up, get those clothes in the washer!” Or washing my dishes, “Come on, get that plate clean, scrub scrub, scruuuub!”

In fact, whatever my task at hand is, I’m never doing it quick enough according to my ego. It thrives on pressuring me. It is so identified with the concept of time, and seems to think that rushing through everything will give me more time. I am becoming increasingly aware of this part of the ego. And quite frankly, it is annoying the crap out of me ha ha 😉

Now, this is both a part of my ego self and my shadow self. They way I look at it, those parts are inter-changeable, and are from the same source. All in all, they belong to those parts of you that are not the true essence of who you are. Your ego and shadow self are not who you are at the soul level. But instead, live in your sub-conscious, and silently run the show called your life, if you are not aware.

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Ultimately, ego are your conditionings and programming’s that form in your childhood. And is not who you truly are at the soul level. These factors build your ego identity and shadow self over time. In general, conditionings come from your: family, friends, school, home life, society, the tv shows/movies we watch, and so much more. All the things in our external world and environments mold us and program us subconsciously, forming ego.

As we age, these conditionings become stronger and stronger until we start to bring awareness to them and to ourselves. Once we un-plug from the rat race of life and turn inwards, we start to see what’s going on in there. Thus, we are able to observe what’s quietly running our lives.

So, through self-observation and observing my thoughts, I am witnessing how often this ‘niter natter chatterbox’, is telling me to go faster. Surely, it just doesn’t want to relax, ever. It’s all about action and movement. Through this action and movement it stays alive and in power. When I am consciously slowing down, it takes the back-seat, and is not happy with that role.

Unfortunately, I have spent a lot of time in my life listening to this bugger. It played a huge role in the mental illness I suffered from for many years. After all, a large part of that mental illness was anxiety; both general anxiety and social anxiety. During this time, I listened to this nagging voice too often and it really ran things. As a result, I was moving in some way a lot, especially when around people. For when I was in motion, I felt a slight relief of anxiety, since I was caving in to what the demanding thoughts were telling me to do. Fidgeting, repetitive nervous movements, and trying to ‘escape’ groups of people were common.

Additionally, emotions are energy-in-motion, like I talked about in this article. So, feeling the tremendous amount of emotions I did when the mental illness was dominant, had me swirling with conflicting energies inside my energy field. Emotions such as; fear, shame, guilt, deep feelings of unworthiness, hopelessness, despair, and tons more had me flip-flopping. From feeling paralyzed and frozen, at times, to feeling like I need to keep running and chasing, not knowing what I was running towards.

And so, fast forward to today, this part of my ego is still alive inside. However, with the immense relief of the mental illness and it’s symptoms I have, its strength has diminished considerably. Although, it’s still there, the little sh*t 😉

There are times when I am un-conscious and lost in the rat-race of life, completely overtaken by the external world. It’s then that this voice screams the loudest, coming out in full-force, never missing an opportunity to be in charge. “Hurry up, we have so much to do!” Then thoughts come streaming in about my huge to-do list for that day. These crank up the pressure to be as quick as I can in each moment, to rush through it. As every moment to this part of the ego is a means to an end.

Bringing awareness and shining a light on it helps to disable much of it’s power over me. Witnessing it allows me to watch it, without it silently running my life. Indeed, I know I need to spend some time doing shadow work and getting to the root of where this part originates from, to really see it in it’s entirety. I have some much needed work to do, and just like so many others, I procrastinate on doing it sometimes. Through understanding it at the root level, without any judgement, I can fully understand it. As a result, I can better understand the beliefs I have built around it from this time onwards.

Moreover, one of the beliefs of my ego has to do with time. Specifically, ‘rushing through everything gives me more time in the end’. I can recognize this so clearly now. And the funny thing is that this is the complete opposite of the truth. When I am able to slow down and be fully present in the moment, time seems to slow down as well.

I notice an hour in the ‘present moment time’ feels much different than an hour in ‘un-conscious programming’ time. Time feels different as everything else feels different too. I feel like you actually gain time in presence. It’s fascinating, and until you truly experience it for yourself, this may sound a little crazy to you. Although, many believe that time is really an illusion, since our consciousness is eternal….

Here are a few of my favorite quotes on time:

• “Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion.” – Eckhart Tolle
• “Time is an illusion. Time only exists when we think about the past and the future. Time doesn’t exists in the present here and now.” – Marina Abramovic
• “The distinction between the past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.” – Albert Einstein
• “I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.” “We are living in a culture entirely hypnotized by the illusion of time.”- Alan Watts
• “Time is only an illusion produced by the succession of our states of consciousness as we travel through eternal duration, and it does not exist where no consciousness exists in which the illusion can be produced; but “lies asleep.” – H.P. Blavatsky
• “The unconscious has no time. There is no trouble about time in the unconscious. Part of our psyche is not in time and not in space. They are only an illusion, time and space, and so in a certain part of our psyche time does not exist at all.” – Carl Jung

In conclusion, I want to quote the great, and late, David R. Hawkins from one his lecture snippets on YouTube titled “Own Your Ego”. Sir David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D. was a nationally renowned author, physician, researcher, psychiatrist, spiritual teacher as well as lecturer. He is the founding director of the Institute for Spiritual Research. His incredible ‘scale of consciousness’ is commonly cited and referred to, to this day.

“We can’t really get rid of a thing until you own it. You can’t really get rid of an addiction unless you admit that it’s got you. So, we can’t get rid of the ego by denying it. By, demonizing it, by making it our enemy. But, by owning it and beginning to see and appreciate it and respecting it. It’s a wonderful mechanism without which, life wouldn’t survive.”

“So you begin to own, as you own then you don’t have to be in denial. You don’t have to project it on others. When you own it yourself, you stop seeing other people as evil. And you see that they’re caught in the same animal way of thinking. Because they’re caught in the same evolution, evolutionary stall out of the brain, they’re caught in the same trap.” “So, there is a transition period where you go through a difficulty in confronting the ego. Because, before that, you project it onto others or you deny it. Or you reject it unto God or somebody. And now you have to own it yourself. You can own it if you see it.” – David R. Hawkins

In the same way, I think it’s very important to emphasize the ego is not the enemy. We need the ego every now and then to function in this world we live in. There is a time and a place where it is helpful to us. Likewise, the distinction is not having it run our lives, maintain awareness. So, don’t be too hard on our ego. In the end, it’s trying to protect us, and keep us safe and alive. Judgment and denial of the ego is not doing you any good.

There is no need to judge it, hate or try to kill the darn thing, as is talked about in some spiritual circles. Simply, cultivate your self-awareness of when to use it and where it is needed. Then, be present enough to know this and remain in power of your life, not the other way around 😉 How do you notice parts of your ego showing up in your life? What are some of it’s faces? Let me know in the comments below!

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